The X-Files Forever

You know you're an x-Phile when...

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Fox is no longer an animal. 
You are asked to describe a fox, you answer: Tall, dark hair, hazel eyes that are subject to change, brave, lucius lips.... (continue on) 
'Doggett' is now subsituted for: Damnit and Darnit. 
You announce 10:13 
You announce 11:21 
The power goes out and you run outside and yell: "DON'T TAKE ME!!!" 
The insprialitional speech you recite to a class or to yourself is Mulder's hallway speech. (FTF) 
'Shaft' and 'Jarmiah Was A Bullfrog' are perfectically good nusery songs. 
You've considered going into the FBI. 
You say. "It's a conspiracy!" When something bad happens. 
You never go into a bank because "he's got a bomb..." 
You do a monthy test to see if you can control your car if you ever lose power.
You say, "I got stung!" Everytime you have to hug/kiss your relatives goodbye. 
You learned the spanish that Mulder/Doggett knows (Yo no confio en nadien-Truse no one)
Your friend says: You know Luke Wilson?"
"Who"
"They were in the X-files. (they explain what happenend"
"Oh yea! I love that ep... (you contine to explain every aspect of what happened and why you loved it so much."
"Dana!" Your kid comes running. "Scully!" Your dog comes running. 
You carry a flashlight because Mulder and Scully do. Hey, you never know when you will run into a slimy, liver eating mutant.
Your basement/room, looks like Mulders office.
If you lose something, you blame it on aliens.
You have an icepick in your kitchen- room, bathroom, car,......(continue)
You have placed your picture in Mulder/Scully's ID picture and go around saying "FBI!" 
You ask, "Am I in black and white?" Before you get your picture taken
Taped an X on your window.
You don't eat supper on Sundays, until 9:00pm
You have taken pictures of the Televison screen to get more pictures of Mulder, Scully, Skinner,...
 
You take your new calculus professor to be a GREGOR and spend the enitre lecture considering what would happen if you pierced the base of his skull.
You steal your neighbor's newpaper every morning for an entire week- just to cut out the "Fox Trot" comic, and replace it on their doorstep as if nothing had happened.
You deny that you had anything to do with the big hole on the comics page of your neighbor's newspaper, and suggest it must have been a government conspiracy.
You wake up in the middle of the night with a nose-bleed, and insist to be taken to the hospital for an X-ray.
You decorate your room and workplace with assorted pictures of Mulder and Scully.
You create a new folder in your filing cabinet labelling it "X-Files."
You compulsively read and respond to articles posted in Alt.tv.X-Files, and go through withdrawl symptoms when you can't get to the computer.
You change the message on your answering maching to "Hi, this is Dana Scully. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."- In Gillian Anderson's voice from the episode "Colony."
You spend all ten of your allocated e-mail hours downloading anything with reference to The X-Files or seeking new X-Files links for your Home Page.
You go to the public library with the intent of checking out all of the X-Files magazine articles you have missed, and are planning to scan the pictures.
You purchase three copies of the X-Files featured TV Guide on the first day it comes out. even though you know your subscription copy will be there in two days.
Your friends abandon you, your roommates think you've been brainwashed, and your family institutionalizes you for rambling endlessly about last Friday's episode.
Someone at work says, "I'm so glad it's Friday!" and you respond with, "Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a great episode!" Then they give you this baffled look- and you can't figure out what their problem is.
Your watch stops and you get all happy about it!
You dedicate the greatest portion of your Home Page to FOX's best television series!!
You see a news clip about EMTs being attacked by a bunch of bees and wonder if they are small pox carriers.
You ad-lib XF references into a science current event article because you're sure that Mulder would be interested in antimatter and black holes discovered in the center of the Milky Way
Teachers, friends and others students come to you to ask for an explanation of the previous episode.
You can explain it to them
You write all this stuff about XF all the time and even have an exclusive notebook with the following in it so far: notes on Unruhe, Elegy; episode guide; inventory of all of the X-stuff which is 6 pages; internet addresses; YKYAXPW (what this is); Notes: Talitha Cumi, Herrenvolk,The Field Where I Died; a fan fic story written as the essay part of a vocab quiz in half a period; Notes: Never Again; XF sayings and a list of fave eps to watch at an XF party.
You plan a 24 hour party with other phile friends to watch 20 eps and eat XF food (ie sunflower seeds)
Everyone thinks that you must be an alien wanting to expose the truth.
You use terminology that non-philes don't know (like EBE).
You join track team after seeing Mulder run in Deep Throat and Humbug
In the car, you begin to say "The truth is out there...Trust no one." and then your mother interrups you and says "Did you know that Zayde [my grandfather, her father who died a year ago] always used to say that."
You buy magazines for $30.00 in one day just becasue they all have something about "The X-Files" in them.
You smile every time anyone mention "The X-Files".
You get mad when you hear someone pronounce Gillian Anderson's or David Duchovny's name the wrong way.
You correct those who pronounce it the wrong way.
You tape every episode and watch them over and over again until the tape won't work anymore.
You skip doing your homework, just so you can watch an old episode of "The X-Files".
You make your own web-page about "The X-Files", even though you know that there are already thousands of them out there already.
You look in the paper everyday, just to see if David or Gillian are going to be on "The Late Show with David Letterman".
The only thing you have on your walls are posters related to "The X-Files".
You refuse to answer the phone or the door when you're watching an episode of "The X-Files". It doesn't matter if you have it on tape, you can not be disturbed.
You have dreams about "The X-Files".
You watch a movie, and then you recognize someone who's been a guest star in "The X-Files", and you spend the rest of the movie trying to remember in which episode he/she was in.
You feel yourself become all happy every time anyone mentions "The X-Files" in a movie or in another series.
You're thinking about getting a tattoo in the shape of and X (even though you've sworn your whole life that you would *never ever* get a tattoo).
You realize that all the web pages you visit on the net have something to do with "The X-Files".
You talk so much about "The X-Files" at home, that your mother finally screams to you: "Will you shut up about that damn show!! I don't *care*!!"
You get so happy you can hardly get out the words, when your mom actually brings up "The X-Files", without you having even said a word about it!
You put up an "X" in your window, just to see if you might get a visit from someone..
You're reading this list. Why else would you be here?
You've already started planning for the day when "The X-Files Movie" premieres, even though it's still 5 months away.
You name your pet Mulder, Scully, Queequeg or anything else that has to do with "The X-Files".
When all your friends and relatives knows that they are not allowed to call you during 9:00 - 10:00 pm on Sunday nights. The phone always rings about two seconds after the very last scene has ended.
You keep answering everything with "Sure, fine, whatever".
You phone Mulder and Scully's phone numbers up and swear at the woman at the other end telling you that the "number has not been recognised try again" (you know straight away that she works for the government).
You send all e-mails at 11:21 and throw a fit if you get one at that time.
Every time you see Darin Morgan you expect him to morph into Mulder and kiss Scully.
You work with a girl called Samantha and you realise how much fun it is to pretend she's been abducted by aliens.
You watch "Conspiracy Theory" and expect Cancerman to come knocking on Mel Gibson's door.
You name everybody after X-Files characters.
Everything you do, say, feel, hear and live has a totally different meaning to the one of the normal human race.
You look in the phone directry for any Mulders and Scullys and phone them up saying you are a secret government agent making routine enquiries.
You talk about the X-Files over the phone. Hear a click and immediately put the phone down and phone the FBI.
Whenever somebody says that somethings spooky you reply "it must be an X-file".
Your teacher has you make a list of carcinogens (cancer-causing agents) and the first thing you put down is "Metal chips implanted in the base of the neck by aliens." Immediately followed by "Metal chips implanted in the base of the neck by the government."
The FBI does a recruiting presentation and the presenter asks who watches "The X-Files", your hand is the first one to shoot up.
The presenter says there is no such thing at the FBI, you roll your eyes because you know better.
The guy you sit behind in one of your classes has a scar on the back of his neck and you wonder if maybe it's because he's either a hybrid alien or he has one of those implant things.
You refuse to speak to your parents if they watch an episode of the X Files and ask which person is Mulder and which is Scully.
You blame the disappearance of important documents (that you're sure you left on the table) on aliens.
You don't want to answer the door because you're not feeling well, and you immediately start wondering about the water supply in your building..(At least I haven't punched out my boss yet..)
You keep a loaded camera by your bedroom window, which happens to overlook a cornfield.
You go see "Die Hard 3" and when they open up the van to have Bruce Willis talk to the obviously FBI agents you start picking out which one's Skinner, Cancer Man, etc.. and so do the three people with you.
You come back from a week and a half sick leave, and just KNOW that your files are in a *slightly* different order than when you left.
A bucket of chicken just doesn't sound very appetizing anymore.
While watching Tooms you have a sudden urge to start a roaring fire in the fireplace to insure no one will try and come down it. And in the summer yet!
You set your VCR to begin at 8:55 and end at 10:05 just in case FOX network's feed screws up again and so you don't miss a word!
Every Friday morning, you toast to X-Files Friday with coffee in your X-Files mug
You mark Friday as a holy day ..on you daily planner.
you're watching Close Encounters of the Third Kind at quarter to five A.M.; and when the missing people come straggling out of the mother ship at the end, you realize you're looking for Samantha Mulder.
You spend the better part of your day trying to think of phrases that complete "You know you're an x-phile when." and go to bed thinking "what an engaging and eventful day."
Or worse yet, you see Deep Throat on ST:Voyager, and even through all the makeup and latex, you still see ONLY Deep Throat, and it ruins the entire episode for you because you keep waiting for him to spill some big secret..
Windows opens on your computer with the theme from the show; Mr. X advises you to 'Deny everything' when you exit Windows; and upon completion of spellcheck, Deepthroat intones "Trust me. You've never been closer.'.
You blame your sinus problems on the alien implants in your nasel cavities.
When caught in a lie, and asked why, you answer that a lie is most cleaverly hidden between two truths.
Or, when caught in a lie, you protest that you "willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation".
Someone asks you why you are so quiet, and you answer that you are wondering which lie to believe.
When at the mall you get on an escalator, you immediatly think of Tooms.
When you talk to people you insist on using as many X-File phrases you can in the conversation.
You buy anything that has the slightest mention of the X-Files.
You spend you time in class writing down every episode by season..(the fact that you know how many are in a season constatutes as one too)
When some one who barely knows the show asks you did you ever see the episode that.You immediatly know what happened, the title of it, the good lines from it, some inane fact about it, and who probably wrote and dirceted it, along with the season it was in,and also if there were any other mportant characters in it.

You tape the out line of a person onto your floor and when someone asks what is it, you answer oh nothing just waiting for the FBI to show up.
You get pulled over by a cop and use the excuse that a psyhcopath with a brain tumor willed you into running the red light.
You're a police officer, and you accept this excuse.
You spend more than 3 hours a week trying to get that perfect Scullycolor hair
You buy a hand gun simply to match the one used by Scully and/or Mulder.
You use only "Q" target posters while shooting.
You mourn the loss of a spiritual sister who was murdered by rogue FBI agents, even though you are an only child.
You wear reading glasses like Scully's while at the computer, even though you see worse with them on.
Your friends start calling you "Spooky".
You are getting laid for the first time in 7 months and you stop when a commercial for the X-Files comes on.
You don't know the answer to a question so you mutter to yourself "The truth is out there, the truth is out there.", as if this answers the question.
You name yourself after Gillian Anderson's daughter {Piper}.
Your room looks like a religious shrine with an X-Files motif.
You read this whole thing word for word and *then* print it out so you can add it to the wall in your room that is dedicated to all the X-Files sites, called "All the X-Files Sites that I've Seen So Far"" .

...you get pulled over by a cop and use the excuse that a psyhcopath with a brain tumor willed you into running the red light...

...you're a police officer, and you accept this excuse...

...you spend more than 3 hours a week trying to get that perfect Scullycolor hair (hold the presses, it hasn't happened yet!)...

...you buy a hand gun simply to match the one used by Scully and/or Mulder...

...you use only "Q" target posters while shooting...

...you mourn the loss of a spiritual sister who was murdered by rogueFBI agents, even though you are an only child...

...you wear reading glasses like Scully's while at the computer, even though you see worse with them on...

...your friends start calling you "spooky"...

...you don't know the answer to a question so you mutter to your self "The truth is out there, the truth is out there." As if this answers the question...

...you name yourself after Gillian Anderson's daughter{Piper}... :)

...your room looks like a religious shrine with an X-Files motif...

...your teeth start aching, and you could swear that bump on the back of your neck wasn't there yesterday...

...you subscribe to more than ten X-Files newsgroups around the world...

...you think of the X-Files every time you see a bright flash of light...

...you stay up all night to write a "You know you're an X-Phile when..." list...

...you dress up like an FBI agent and go out, just to see what it feels like...

...all your dreams start with something like
-Large grassy field
San Diego, CA
10:21 pm...

...they end with a voice over...

...you get a dog and name it Clyde Bruckman...

...you have all your younger siblings believing that they are in fact theresult of the government's experiments at creating the perfect alien/human hybrid...

...you think you are an alien/human hybrid...

...you think the government tracks you because you know all about the `secret tape' and what's behind door number 1013...

..you think you have a secret informant, they just haven't revealed themselves yet...

...you've been arrested for tresspassing on the set of the X-Files in Vancouver...

...you encourage people to name all their children and pets after X-Filescharacters, like you have...

...you become a raving lunatic every Friday right around the time you wake up...

...your hate for Kathy Lee Gifford and David Letterman becomes an obsession...

...you refuse to watch the episode "3" because it is the only one made without Gillian Anderson in it...

...you write "He is One" on your back in red ink, and wander around earlyin the morning to scare your family...

..you call people you know who smoke "cancer man" or "cancer woman"...

...you know the birthdays AND times of both Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny, AND of Scully and Mulder...

...you know Scully's middle name...

...you know her id number...

...you have tried to get a copy of Scully's senior thesis "Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation"...

...you refer to Scully and Mulder as if you know them...

...you refer to them as if they are real...

...you feel as if your world has been turned upside down and then back right side up every time Scully and Mulder touch, smile at each other, or talk about drooling on each other...

...all the windows in your house have large masking tape x's on them. Not only that but you're actually expecting an envelope to be slipped under the door and won't sleep or turn off the light until you do although, you do admit to suflower seed hangover the next morning...

...you see a Nike commercial saying Just do it and you go and tell your Doctor that the government has drugged you into a murdering zombie...

..."X-Files is a catagory in your budget...

...you live in Amish country and you find yourself wondering where they hide their spacecrafts...

...you buy a package of Mulder's sunflower seeds even though you hate the things...

...you start humming the opening score in public and dont feel self concious...

...you want just to believe...

...you and your boyfriend put on your trench coats and call each other Mulder and Scully...

...you're getting on a bus (in Virginia, no less) and you check out the other passengers for large, suspicious looking boils on the sides of their f aces...

...you go into the computer lab at 10:00am to write a final paper, finish it, decide to check you're e-mail before going back to the dorm, sit down and look at the clock that says 8:30pm on it and the first thing that pops into you're head is I was abducted by aliens and lost time...what would Mulder say?

...you go to the UMASS library for the first time and notice a sign saying Skinner Hall and think X-Files!...

...on the night it airs you make sure you have no plans and you have enough room left on your almost full X-Files Vhs tape...

...upon seeing a post that Whirlwind is out, you drop everything and race to all the bookstores within walking distance...

...you're walking back to your dorm and see a Fedex package in the garbage outide and you instinctively walk a large circle around it...

...you ask the guy you're absolutely infatuated with how tall he is, and he answers "6 feet" and your first thought is "Hey! that's how tall David Duchovny is exactly!"...

...you won't go NEAR a porta-potty...

...you are reading a serious science article, you come across a reference to GABA (It stands for gamma-aminobutyric acid), and your first attempt to decipher the acronym begins Gillian Anderson.

...you travel to Vancouver just so you can get a glimpse of David Duchovny...

...when every time you walk by someone who says the x-files sucks, you either give him/her the finger, or yell something at them while throwing your soda at them. Yes, it's happened. I even got kicked out of a restaurant once...

...when you see someone with really nasty acne and run the other way screaming about bug infestations in their face...

...Everyone around you gets a fatal disease except you, then you catch it, and somehow manage to find a cure all in the course of an hour.

...you walk past 30th St. Station and are seriously watching out for people who seem afraid of their own shadows...

...the only reason you stay home on Friday night is to watch T.V. and you don't ever watch anything else on T.V. ever...

...you believe people that work at the animal shelter are involved in a government coverup.

...you stay out of other peoples shadows...

...you remember you always tried to get away from your shadows when you were younger, and now you realize why...

...you consciously avert your eyes from the checkout register before the LED display changes from "$13.95" to "KILL THEM ALL"...

...when you have to write a creative story for english class, and the first names that pop into your head are: Fox, Dana, Chris and Glen...

...you see a casette tape on the dashboard of your car and call the FBI...

...when you get a friend to stand behind a door while you and a couple other friends try to recreate the shadow effect in the opening scene. [Editor's note: In refrence to Dark Matter episode] After about 15 minutes you do it and the patient friend behind the door comfirms that it IS in fact, remotely, possible to have that shadow slip under the hotel room door...

...your driving down the street, the radio stops and the first thing you do is stop and look into the sky...

...you suddenly cancel all summer plans to enroll in an intensive Navajo language class...

...your legal first name is Dana and everyone gives you the nickname "Scully"...

...you see people who have taped their windows up in preparation for a hurricane, your first thought is "They're trying to contact Mr. X!...

...you take your new calculus professor to be a GREGOR and spend the enitre lecture considering what would happen if you pierced the base of his skull...

...you steal your neighbor's newpaper every morning for an entire week- just to cut out the "Fox Trot" comic, and replace it on their doorstep as if nothing had happened...

...you deny that you had anything to do with the big hole on the comics page of your neighbor's newspaper, and suggest it must have been a government conspiracy...

...you wake up in the middle of the night with a nose-bleed, and insist to be taken to the hospital for an X-ray...

...you decorate your room and workplace with assorted pictures of Mulder and Scully.

...you create a new folder in your filing cabinet labelling it "X-Files"...

...you change the message on your answering maching to "Hi, this is Dana Scully. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."- In Gillian Anderson's voice from the episode "Colony"...

...you spend all ten of your allocated e-mail hours downloading anything with reference to The X-Files or seeking new X-Files links for your HomePage...

...you go to the public library with the intent of checking out all of the X-Files magazine articles you have missed, and are planning to scan the pictures...

...you purchase three copies of the X-Files featured TV Guide on the first day it comes out... even though you know your subscription copy will be there in two days...

...your friends abandon you, your roommates think you've been brainwashed,and your family institutionalizes you for rambling end lessly about last Friday's episode...

...someone at work says, "I'm so glad it's Friday!" and you respond with, "Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a great episode!" Then they give you this baffled look- and you can't figure out what their problem is...

...your watch stops and you get all happy about it!...

...finally, you know you're an X-Phile when... you dedicate the greatest portion of your Home Page to FOX's best television series!!...

...you find it impossible to look at a flask without thinking of monkey pee...

...one of your favorite pastimes is watching the new episodes trying to spot the guest stars who have been in old episodes before your friends do...

...you consider yourself to be on a firstname basis with at least one of the producers/directors/stars of the show even though you've never met...

...you recognized more than three people who went up to the podium to accept The XFiles' Golden Globe Award...

...you watch the previews for the next week's episode framebyframe on your VCR...

...When you meet new people, you drop phrases like "I don't usually watch The Tonight Show, but I did see it the other night when David Duchovny was on," hoping to draw other Philes out into the open...

...you find yourself defending the movie "Beethoven."...

...you set up your VCR by 8:30 on Friday, then spend half an hour psychically willing "Brisco/Mantis/Sliders/VR5/Strange Luck/Sliders"(again!) to be over...

...you can incorporate the phrase "yatta yatta yatta" into almost any sentence...

...you have more than 50 XF pictures on your computer...

...you have more than 50 XF sounds on your computer...

...you wish you had more of both...

...you have seriously considered moving to Vancouver, even though you are perfectly happy where you are...

...you call every video store within 100 miles looking for "New Year's Day," "Julia Has Two Lovers," and "Home Fires Burning."

...you compliment Perry Reeves' acting ability to prove you're not jealous, but secretly wince when DD sticks his tongue down her throat in "3."

...you knew Gillian Anderson was pregnant before TV Guide did...

...you think Fox would be a great name for your son...

...you always tape the introjust in case Chris Carter decides to throw in a new catch phrase...

 

click here to play the theme song