The X-Files Forever

50 fun things for an X-Phile to do in school

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50 things for an X-Phile to do in school

1) Wear a trench coat and a business suit. Carry a fake gun, FBI badge, and a "torch" flashlight"

2) Show your badge before entering each classroom

3) Whenever someone pisses you off, chant "Hate him! Wouldn't want to date him!"

4) Refer to your teachers as "Assistant Director"

5) Answer questions in Navajo and Japanese

6) Whenever someone asks you to do something, respond with "sure. fine. whatever"

7) Run screaming from the room whenever you see a bee

8) Mutter casually under your breath about how mad Skinner will be when you're late for work

9) Get fake blood packets and make your hands "bleed" when writing on the chalkboard

10) Write "sister" on your upper chest with fake blood and make-up. Make sure everyone can see the writing

11) Write "She (he) Is One" on your back. Make sure everyone can see it

12) Constantly jab people in the back of the neck saying "just checking"

13) Whenever someone says the name "Samantha," stare out the windows into space

14) If someone can't answer a question, jump up and yell "the truth is out there"

15) Whenever a teacher calls your name, say "Do you think I'm Spooky?"

16) When someone knocks on the classroom door, yell "Nobody here but the FBI's most UNwanted"

17) When someone asks who shot JFK (bound to happen sometime) yell "CANCERMAN"

18) Call everyone who smokes "cancerman" or "cancerwoman"

19) Call everyone "Agent" and their last name

20) Refer to yourself as "Spooky" or "Mrs Spooky"

21) At exactly 11:21, call your lab partner on a cell phone

22) Whenever a teacher plays a video, say "this isn't your usual form of entertainment"

23) Drink iced tea/root beer and sunflower seeds in every class

24) Play a tape of the song "Walking In Memphis," and ask the person nearest to you of the opposite gender to dance

25) Wear a paste-on "Betty" tatoo and constantly answer it's "questions"

26) Ask people if they know the secret password for reincarnation

27) Claim to know what Alex Trebek *really* does on his time off Jeopardy

28) Dye your hair red

29) Put masking tape x's on all the windows, and refer to your next teacher as Mr. X

30) Work "exsanguination" into every English writing assignment

31) Tell people your phone number is 555-0144

32) Hum the opeing theme really loud, and when asked to stop, say "sure fine whatever"

33) Carry handcuffs

34) When something goes wrong, blame it on a government conspiracy

35) Claim to be your own clone

36) Walk a large circle around parking lot oil spills

37) When asked a question, answer with a long, awkward scientific explanation

38) Whenever someone runs by, yell "FBI! Freeze!"

39) Introduce yourself as an FBI Agent

40) Rig the televisions, so that instead of Channel 1, everyone can watch X-Files

41) Say everything as an X-Files quote

42) Whenever someone ejects a VHS tape, say "whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine"

43) Find the main power switches, and turn off all the lights in the gym. Make the bleachers slam into the wall

44) When you do a dissection, record an "autopsy" tape

45) For reports, study the frequency of UFO adbuctions, close encounters, etc..

46) Whenever someone mentions boats, stand on your chair and yell "SHIPPERS UNITE!" then sit down and continue what you were doing before

47) If you see someone with real bad acne, run screaming the other way about bug infestations

48) For every creative writing assignment, turn in fan-fiction

49) Wire all computer monitors to your computer and type "The Truth Is Out There" and other X-Files taglines

50) With your handcuffs, frequently chain people to their desks right before a bell rings and read 'em their rights

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